Interview with Love & Autism author Kay Kerr

Following the success of her first two young adult fiction novels, Please Don’t Hug Me and Social Queue, author Kay Kerr is back with her debut non-fiction book, Love & Autism. Love & Autism presents an uplifting celebration of neurodivergent love, the search for it and a deeper look into the lives of 5 Autistic Australians.

Amaze spoke to Kay about what drew her to writing about this topic, how she’s grown as a writer since her last book, what she learnt and more!

Your latest book is called Love & Autism – in the context of your book, what do you mean by love?

I mean love in all its forms–romantic, familial, friendship, passions, animals, self-love, love of life.

What compelled you to write on this topic?

I felt as though ‘love’ as a concept was a rich and interesting way in to talking to other Autistic people about life, relationships, connection, and community. I feel frustrated sometimes at the lack of nuance and complexity in broader understandings and conversations around autism. People can get very stuck in the idea of: ‘autism is this one thing’ and anything that exists outside of that is discredited or dismissed. Even if the reader is starting from that viewpoint, I wanted to take them on a journey so that they come away with a broader understanding of, and connection to, the Autistic community and just some of the ways an Autistic life might look.

What was it like writing non-fiction, as opposed to your two previous fiction novels?

In some ways it was harder, and in other ways it was more straight-forward. My background is as a journalist, so it did feel like a full-circle moment to be back in the interviewing seat, only this time fully understanding and embracing of my Autistic way of being. So much of my time as a journalist was trying to mask what I now understand as my Autistic traits, so this reinvigorated my passion for this work, and how it can be done in a neuro-affirming way.

The biggest goal for me was in making sure the interviewees–Jess, Noor, Tim, Michael, and Chloë–all felt comfortable, safe, in control, and able to opt out at any time if they were no longer interested in being involved. That autonomy is important to me in life, and so I wanted to make it a priority with this project as well. Autistic stories are not always presented in ways that are respectful and affirming to the Autistic people in them, we see awful examples of what not to do all the time in media.

It felt like a higher stakes project because these are real people and their real lives.

How did your learnings from the writing process of your previous books help you write this book?

Something I have been leaning into more and more is working on a project with a tree-by-tree approach. And of course, the lesson in that is don’t focus on the whole forest. It helps me to manage anxiety and expectations, and not get too far ahead of myself. So, I had a lot of lists of ‘the next five things I need to do’ and ‘have these things done by October’, that kind of thing.

I also had a greater understanding of the editing and publication process, so just by virtue of having done it before, I was less anxious about that side of things. I am also trying to advocate for myself and my support needs on the publicity side of things, because in the past I have had a tendency to push through, which is a fast-track to burnout.

The book takes us through the lives of 5 Autistic people – what is one thing you learnt from each of them?

I learnt so much from each person, so it’s going to be hard to limit this to just one thing. But I will try!

From Jess, I learnt a lot about what an earlier diagnosis for someone my age actually looked like. I held on to the idea that if only I’d been identified as Autistic earlier, things would have been so much easier. And I’m not saying there aren’t some ways that is true, but I now understand a lot more about where the wider understanding of autism was at in the 90s and early 00s, and all of the stigma, misunderstanding, and mistreatment that people growing up with an autism diagnosis may have faced. It was certainly not smooth sailing. It makes me want to advocate all the more for the next generation of Autistic young people to not have to face that.

From Tim, I learnt so much about the non-speaking Autistic experience. He has an incredible way of describing and distilling not only his personal experiences, but the meaning behind that and how he hopes to use his experiences to advocate for a better, more inclusive future. His mum, Sarah, also taught me a lot about parental advocacy and I take lessons from her into my daily life as a parent.

From Chloë, there were so many practical things I took away, like tips on how to better organise my life, and the importance of prioritising rest, and working with my mind rather than against it in achieving what I want to achieve. But something we touched on towards the end of our interviews was the beauty of noticing and celebrating our Autistic joy. Chloë spoke about being able to harness her sensory sensitivities in a way that I think is really going to resonate with Autistic readers. In her case, we talked about the experience of live music, but I think it applies to so many things.

From Michael, I learnt about unmasking my physical Autistic traits. He is very much himself in a way that I was inspired to try to bring into my life more. So, as I head into publicity for this book, I am trying not to force stillness in my body, or force eye contact, or force anything really. That’s a huge gift.

And from Noor, I learnt a lot about radical acceptance as an Autistic parent to an Autistic child. Noor shared such wisdom about raising young Autistic people, and how our acceptance of our own needs as parents will teach them self-advocacy as they grow up. I can get caught up in trying to do all the parenting things I feel I have to do, and our chats were a beautiful reminder of the importance of connecting with other Autistic people on similar paths.

Just like anyone, the lives of Autistic people have many ups and down, however Autistic people can have some particularly difficult downs – how did you go about balancing these, to make sure that you weren’t presenting autism as a tragedy, but also to make sure you weren’t presenting it as all ‘sunshine and rainbows’?

This is a great question and is something I was thinking about constantly as I was working on this book. I hope that balance of light and shade is there, in the natural way that it exists in Autistic people’s lives. Yes, some things are just hard. And that’s okay. Some things are wonderful too. I think about being Autistic in quite a neutral way–it isn’t a tragedy, it isn’t a superpower, it just is. And it is in the specificities of a person’s life we get to understand and witness the beauty of it, which is my absolute favourite thing.

What is one thing you hope people learn about Autistic people from reading your book?

I hope people learn to better listen to and believe Autistic people when they share what it means to be Autistic. ‘Nothing About Us Without Us’ is the disability rights movement phrase, I think coined by James Charlton, that seems so straight-forward to me, but is still not something we see broadly in action, especially when it comes to autism support. One of the books I read as research while I was writing Love & Autism was We’re Not Broken by Eric Garcia. Garcia gave such incredible historical context around autism advocacy, and how it fitted in to the wider disability rights movement. I highly recommend that for anyone interested in a deeper dive on this topic.

Additionally, what’s something you hope Autistic readers take away after reading your book?

I hope Autistic readers take whatever they need from this book. If they need to feel validated and seen in their struggles, it is there. If they need to feel affirmed and celebrated for their Autistic strengths and joy, it is there. If they need encouragement to connect with other Autistic people, I hope they find that.

And a fun one – what was your favourite fidget / sensory tool over the course of writing Love & Autism?

I had the most incredible spring fidget ring from Kaiko Fidgets (Autistic made and owned!) that I used so much during interviews. I actually broke it while recording the audiobook though, RIP. I got a Balance Bubble for my desk chair from my physiotherapist, which helped both my posture, and my need for movement, especially when seated at my desk for many hours a day, many days a week.

About Kay Kerr

Kay Kerr is an Autistic author and journalist from the Sunshine Coast, Queensland. Her new book, Love & Autism, is out now. You can find her work at kaykerr.com